Sunday, June 13, 2010

Let the Reader Beware

This is a somewhat *taboo* concept to blog about, I'd guess... But I think it's so important. Here goes: Intimacy after baby is born. Without getting too graphic, something I have a tendency to do, I am actually quite happy with my life with my husband.

While I was pregnant, I was told I would hit some stage in my pregnancy where intimacy would be quite welcome. Well, I didn't hit that stage. I felt overweight and tired. Living in Florida and being pregnant during all of the "summer months" (you know, March through September) I just felt yucky and sweaty.  The whole labor/delivery process made me feel unattractive as well. It was sorta like my body was just a vessel for many unpleasant functions. And my husband was there to witness all of these less-than-desirable functions for over 9 months, from conception through delivery and beyond (as I healed from my c-section).

When the doctor gave me the go-ahead at 6 weeks postpartum, instead of feeling really excited, I felt more like "Great, now I don't have an excuse anymore." But once I got down to my normal weight and fit into clothing that made me feel cute and flirty again, my sexuality was revived. Additionally, once I started going out and having a social life again, a part of me felt like my 'old self,' which also made me feel more desirable and desired. I usually feel energized by social connections/events/conversations, and that energy has to go somewhere!

So with an infant at home, it's pretty easy to fit these...uh...extracurricular activities into our non-existent/flexible schedule. I'm guessing that once your child is a bit older or you have multiple children, it's more of a challenge. You also have to get pretty creative the longer you have been together to maintain and nurture that connection/interest in one another. We've been together almost 7 years (and friends for about 11 or 12 years), which is long enough to know each other quite well, but hopefully surprise each other every so often.

How do you maintain a level of intimacy once you have children? Do you struggle to do so or is that something you've been able to maintain even as a parent? I hope some of you are willing to share your thoughts/ideas. Thanks!!


Stuff Parents Need said...

Embarrassingly little to add to this topic...this is a tough one! For me, my hormones started to exist again when my period finally came back (just a month ago). That's been the biggest help. But in terms of finding the time...uh...well...not going so well! :-)

PVDela said...

I have to say that I am on of the lucky few where my libido hasn't lagged one iota, I was up for sex as much during and after my pregnancy as i was before, if my body could have I would have been up for it the next day, so we did everything we could and just left out the stuff we couldn't. This is very different for everybody but i do have to say that your self image has a lot to do with it. I have a very good self image, that has very little to do with my body, and I look at sex as a way of taking back ownership of my body rather than giving it over to yet another person.
What matters is that you figure out what works for you and your partner and get help if you need it, everyone struggles with something and this is as common as anything else.

Huppie Mama said...

I definitely agree with what you said about body image. I started to feel more *in the mood* once I lost some of my baby weight, as I attached my mental image of myself to my physical appearance. Once that self-concept improved, my sex drive came back.

I think continuing to build upon what attracted you to your partner in the first place is so important, and being intimate is definitely something that I hope to never give up! I want to be able to connect on that level regardless of what is going on in our lives...children, career, whatever!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this subject!!

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